


Just Like the Movies

by t-hy-lla (rivenjolras)



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Aliens!, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - 1990s, Alternate Universe- Massachusetts, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Starfleet, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, kind of a bit of a college au too, not yet anyway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-11-16 10:59:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11251737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivenjolras/pseuds/t-hy-lla
Summary: When Bones packs into his Buick and follows Jim's jury-rigged Unidentified-Flying-Object tracker, he doesn't actually expect to find little green men from outer space, never mind an alien working on the equivalent of his doctoral thesis on the remote planet Earth.





	1. This is How You Get Us Killed, Jim!

**Author's Note:**

> Why is this set in Massachusetts? Because reasons, that's why. Enjoy this self-indulgent AU fueled by my need to relive the 90s and rewatch the X-files.

Everything is silent after Leonard kills the engine of his Buick Roadmaster. When the lights go off, all Jim can see is the tall grass ahead and the vague outline of rolling hills. Leonard taps on the steering wheel as he eyes the darkness warily.

“Jim, are you sure this is it?” 

Jim stares at the clunky device in his hands. “Yeah. I saw whatever it was on my radar up until about five minutes ago. Whatever that thing was, it was fast, and it came down somewhere around here.” He looks up and squints, but his dark vision isn’t quite there yet.

Leonard sighs deeply. “Alright, let’s go, then.” He reaches into the back seat to retrieve his camera bag and a clunky flashlight. He thumbs it on, and shakes it when it’s slow to react. Jim hisses at the brightness before taking it from him. 

The doors opening are loud in a way that is deeply unsettling in the dark. As it is, they are down some barely-traveled dirt road miles away from any houses, gas stations, or anything else. The only sounds are the low buzz of insects, and an occasional rustle of shifting grass.

Jim looks up and starts at the sight. “Wow.” He says, awed. 

“What?” Leonard looks up too, brow furrowed. 

“The stars.” He replies reverently. “I never get to see them like this on campus.” He points suddenly. “You see, that’s Saturn. You can barely see it this time of year. It’s too low in the sky to be seen in the city due to the light pollution. Can you see it?”

“I don’t even know what I’m looking for, Jim.”

Leonard startles when Jim’s hand finds his in the dark. He barely resists when Jim steps closer and raises his arm from his side. He feels Jim’s breath on his neck, and tries not to shiver at the sensation.

“Ah… there, that direction. See?” Jim’s voice is loud next to his ear. Leonard can make out a faint star he supposes is actually Saturn close to the skyline, larger than those surrounding it.

“Shouldn’t we be looking for this UFO of yours, kid?”

Jim lets go of his arm and steps away, the moment forgotten. “Yeah.” He says breathlessly. “Let’s move.”

After that, they trudge forward, away from the car and out into the field. Leonard curses, wishing he had brought some bug spray, feeling stray bugs lingering near the part of his neck not protected by his jacket. Jim seems to be immune, because of course he is.

Something blinks brightly in the distance for half a second. Jim gasps. “Bones! Did you see that?” He doesn’t wait for a reply before he takes off running.

“Yeah, I’m not blind!” Leonard replies gruffly. He unzips his bag and fumbles out his disposable Kodak as he chases after him.

They are coming up on a hill when Jim comes to an abrupt halt. He holds his arm out to stop Leonard when he catches up. Leonard looks at him questioningly. In the darkness, he can hardly make out the other man’s expression.

At the bottom of the hill some yards ahead is a large indent in the grass, as if something heavy were weighing it down. Jim passes his flashlight over it, but nothing appears to be there.

“Well, that’s just plain weird.” Leonard comments. He raises his camera and looks through the viewfinder, as if the small lens would pick up something his eye can’t.

“Yeah..” Jim utters, as if he’s far away. He starts to descend, the sound of his sneakers sliding over dirt loudly.

“Jim!” Leonard hisses. He’s not sure why he’s lowered his voice, it’s not like there’s anything there. “What are you doing?”

“Checking it out, Bones. Come on.” Comes his blasé answer.

Leonard rolls his eyes out of habit and follows as carefully as he can manage. He does pretty well until he manages to catch his foot under a baseball-sized rock in the dirt. He curses and yanks it out, dislodging it from the earth. It tumbles the rest of the way down until it hits the patch of stamped-down grass with a heavy, metallic thunk.

Jim is closer and comes to a dead halt when he hears it. He turns back to Leonard with a wide-eyed look. “Holy fucking shit.”

They creep up to about a couple feet from where the unassuming rock currently lays.

“That definitely hit something here. But there’s nothing.” Jim puzzles. “Unless…” He lays down his flashlight, and scoops up a handful of dirt. He throws it ahead of him, where it very visibly stops and hits something before falling back to the ground. Jim laughs loudly and whoops.

Leonard grabs Jim’s wrist quickly and shushes him, suddenly panicked. “Jim! This isn’t a good idea. We don’t know what this is. What if this is some classified technology? We need to go back.” 

Jim yanks his arm back. “What? No fucking way. I’ve never seen anything like this! We can’t go back now.”

“Did you ever stop to consider that the military doesn’t like it when civilians fuck with their stuff?”

“Who says this is military? What if it’s aliens?” 

“Okay, _Mulder_ , enough. Whatever it is, I have no idea what it is, it’s currently one in the fucking morning, and I don’t particularly feel like getting shot. It’s my weekend with Jo coming up, I kind of need to be, I don’t know, _alive_ , to pick her up.” Leonard scoffs.

“What the fuck is your problem you big baby, why did you even agree to bring me out here if you don’t want to explore--”

“Because I didn’t fucking think we would _find_ anything!” He interrupts, frustrated. 

“You fucking- you asshole, are you kidding me?” Jim is irate and too close to his face. His breath is hot, and Leonard can’t see anything but his eyes and the outline of his face and set jaw. “Why are you even here with me then? What- were you humoring me, or something? I don’t need-”

Suddenly, there is a loud clanging noise and what sounds like a shrill sort of alarm. Jim whirls around, his argument forgotten. He takes a step back, bumping into the other man’s chest, and Leonard pulls him behind him out of instinct. 

The air in front of them shimmers like a mirage in a cheesy movie set in the desert. What appears- out of thin air- is a metal ship of some kind. It’s roughly the size of Volkswagen bus, and its surface is a dull bluish metal and appears smooth. There is a hissing noise, like steam being let out of a tight space, and then there is a light that’s impossibly bright in the complete dark of the night as part of the ship swings outwards and opens.

Leonard is practically blinded, but he can’t look away. Neither man speaks or moves.

Silhouetted in the entryway to the ship is a bona fide alien, blinking and expressionless. It doesn’t make a noise either.

There’s a moment of silence.

“ _...Oh my fucking God._ ”


	2. It's Called Winging It, Bones

At the exclamation, the alien wrinkles its nose distastefully.

Leonard blinks. “Jim...” He stage-whispers. “I think it knows English.”

The being steps forward and opens its mouth to speak. Once it steps out of the ship, it’s clear that this alien is not all that far off from human. It’s slightly taller than the average human male, and its skin has a slightly sickly looking pallor- if it were human, anyway- and has the same amount of limbs as any Earthling. In fact, the only actual outward indication that this being isn’t a human with an awful iron deficiency is the unnatural slope of its eyebrows and the ends of its ears coming to a point.

“Some.” It makes an unfamiliar hand gesture. Leonard’s eyes dart over the alien’s form, looking for a weapon, although it occurred to him he wouldn’t know what an alien weapon would look like in the first place. “Do you…” The alien starts, then appears to think about what it says next. “... know _Man-darin_?” The pronunciation is off, and the hard ‘d’ sounds unrecognizable on its tongue.

Jim steps around Leonard, unafraid. “Like, four words, dude. Sorry. Not many Chinese in Marlborough. Try Cambridge. Or, y’know, you could always try China.”

The alien stares uncomprehendingly.

“Jim.” Leonard sighs.

“What? It’s my first day being an Earth ambassador. Give me a break.” Jim shrugs. He turns back to the alien. “Uh… so, what’s up? Why are you here? What do we call you?”

“Spock.” The alien supplies.

“Okay… and what planet are, uh, _Spocks_ from? And uh, are you one of the uh… males, of the species?”

“My name is Spock.” Spock doesn’t comment about its gender. Jim looks to Leonard, who shrugs. Spock doesn’t seem to want to volunteer any information, and he decides it would be wise to figure out if Spock has any space guns before trying to interrogate the alien.

“Right. Well, I’m Jim Kirk, and this is Bones.” Jim gestures to Leonard, who sighs irritably.

“Only he’s allowed to call me that. The name’s McCoy. Nice t’ meet you.” He holds out a hand for Spock to shake.

Spock’s eyes widen with alarm, and he looks down at the man’s hand, then back up at them, confused.

Leonard frowns. “Don’t y’all have handshakes where you’re from?”

Spock doesn’t reply, still frozen. Leonard lowers his hand slowly, and then Spock relaxes.

“Well, this is going pretty well, isn’t it.” Jim comments. 

“Oh shut the fuck up.” He snipes.

Spock’s brow furrows. “I am having…” He struggles, “... problems, understanding your dialect. I am new to English. I have not studied for more than a month.”

“Yeah, fuhgeddaboudit, dude. You just got here, it’s not like-” Jim pauses. “Wait, studied? Like a school? ..A _month_?”

“Affirmative.” Spock replies. “What is a ‘dude’, Jim Kirk?”

“Oh, um… a guy?” Jim replies, and looks to Leonard for help. He hides a laugh behind his hand and looks away. Jim glares. “Uh… it’s slang, for a male… person.”

Spock tilts his head. “I see. Are you a ‘dude’? Is that what I should call you?”

Jim ignores the laughter at his side. “Uh… well, sure. Yeah. You can do that.”

Spock looks back at his ship, then up at the sky. A plane is high in the sky overhead, the red lights on its wings blinking faintly in the distance. Jim looks up too.

“So, uh, how did you make this thing invisible? You should probably do that again, uh, if you don’t want the army finding this… whole thing.” 

Spock looks back at them both, seeming lost. “I cannot. It is broken.”

Leonard and Jim look back at each other with alarm.

“Shit.” Jim runs a hand through his hair. “Uh, Spock, gimme a minute.” He turns to the man beside him and lowers his voice. “Bones… I don’t fucking know what will happen if someone sees this. I can’t have been the only one tracking it.”

Leonard’s eyes narrow. “What are you suggesting?” He looks over his shoulder at Spock, who has stepped back into the ship and appears to be grabbing something.

“We need to get Spock out of here. Maybe your place?”

“What?!” Leonard hisses. “Are you kidding? I have my baby girl this weekend. And in case you forgot, we still have no idea why Mr. Talkative is _here_.”

“Come on, man, he seems harmless enough. Do you want to see him get dissected on some table? Because that’s gonna happen. It’s not like he’s a citizen, he has no rights whatsoever. You’ll have to live with that, Bones.” 

Leonard scowls. “Goddamnit. Fine. But you better be the one keeping an eye on him.” He looks back warily. “But what are you planning to do about his spaceship?”

Jim thought for a moment before replying. “Do you still have that tarp in your Buick?”

“Are you kidding me? Your big plan is to put a bright blue tarp on top of a fucking UFO that just happens to sit out in a fucking field?”

“If you have any other ideas, I’d be glad to hear them.”

Leonard doesn’t reply. Jim turns on his heel and grins.

“So... Spock, what do you think about having a little road trip?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited at a silly hour again. I swear, this was going to be a serious fic, at one time.


	3. Bed-Sharing is No Big Deal, Really. Really Really.

The ride to Leonard’s apartment is somewhat awkward. Jim learns that Spock’s ears are sensitive, and suddenly turning on the radio to the WAAF station wasn’t appreciated in the slightest. They drive for what seems like forever, going just under the speed limit to avoid being pulled over. 

Jim attempts to make small talk with the alien, but Spock seems content studying the landscape. Gradually, they make their way towards the big city, the street lights becoming closer to each other and more cars on the road.

“Jim.”

Jim starts, having almost fallen asleep. “Yea, Bones?”

Leonard doesn’t take his eyes off the road. “How are you planning to get Spock inside without anyone seeing him? Just curious.”

Jim blinks, then turns in his seat to stare at Spock. “Uhhh….”

Spock blinks back unhelpfully.

“Well…” Jim suddenly turns back around and starts feeling under the passenger seat for a minute, before exclaiming “ah-ha!”

“What is it?” Leonard asks exasperatedly, eyes still on the road.

“It’s that beanie I lost under the seat when we went skiing up in New Hampshire. I knew it was here somewhere!” Jim beams.

“When we went _skiing_ \- Jim, that was two years ago. Why didn’t you look for it before this?!” Leonard looks at Jim quickly, only so he sees the utter disbelief on his face.

A shrug and smirk answer him. 

“Unbelievable.” 

“No one will be looking. It’s going to be like, two-thirty, when we get back to yours.” Jim turns back again to Spock. “Hey.” 

Spock startles, then looks at him questioningly.

Jim thrusts the hat into Spock’s face. “Wear this, just until we get to the apartment.”

Spock takes it dubiously, then slips it over his head. It pulls down to cover most of his ears. The alien quirks an eyebrow, but says nothing.

Jim grins. “Thanks, dude.”

“You’re welcome… dude.” Spock replies slowly.

Leonard tries to stifle a laugh poorly from the driver’s seat.

-

They pull into Leonard’s apartment complex some time later. It’s quiet, and luckily there are no neighbors mucking about or any drug deals in-progress. He leads them up the stairs to the third floor and lets the two of them in. Jim has to push Spock gently to get him to go inside. Finally, the door is closed behind them with the three all inside. It’s quiet for a moment. Spock walks around the living room, peering at the pictures and knick knacks curiously.

Jim opens his mouth, “Bones-”

“Yes, Jim, I already know you’re staying overnight. I’m not letting you walk back to your place this time of night anyway.” Leonard rolls his eyes.

“Okay, great.” Jim grins, then moves to set up the futon automatically. The other man stops him with a hand on his arm.

“Jim.” Leonard starts softly, his eyes darting to where Spock is. “We have three people.”

Jim tilts his head. “So?”

Leonard stares at him, and speaks slowly, as if to a child. “I’m sleeping in my bed. He’s taking the futon.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “Oh. I see. You gonna be okay with sleeping with me?”

“What makes you think I’m sharing with you?”

“You’re too much of a Southern gentleman to make a guest sleep on the floor for starters.”

He gives him a withering look then releases his arm. “Just set up the futon, please. You know where the extra sheets are.”

“Roger.” Jim pads off to the linen closet, leaving him alone with Spock.

“Hey.” Leonard starts awkwardly. Spock looks up at him and puts down the picture frame he was holding. “Vulcans sleep, right? Like at night?”

Spock tilts his head. “Yes, I require sleep, although considerably less than someone of your species. Are you planning to retire?”

“Yeah, uh, I gotta get ready for Jo- my daughter- clean the place and all. Do y’ need anything?” He shifts uncomfortably on his feet under Spock’s stare. Do Vulcans ever _blink_? That ain’t natural.

“No.” 

“Oh, good...” Leonard trails off.

The silence between them is heavy and uncomfortable. Clearly, neither of them are great conversationalists. At least Spock has the whole “ _I’m an alien, English is my second/third/fourth language_ ” excuse.

Spock blinks, finally.

“Well, Jim’s gonna set up the bed for you. I’m usually up around 8 o’clock, but if you need anything, just holler.” 

“Holler?”

“Uh, just yell for me. Or better yet, knock on my door.” Leonard gestures behind him to the hall. When Spock nods, he takes that as a dismissal and heads to his room.

As he slips into bed, he hears Jim’s voice muffled through the door, then the thud and slow scrape of the ‘bed’ part of the futon being dragged across the floor. He sighs deeply, knowing that his neighbors will likely leave a passive-aggressive Post-it on his door for him to find in the morning. Spock speaks as well, his voice much softer than Jim’s, and he can’t make out what either one is saying. There are some more sounds, something like shuffling feet and more conversation.

He waits for Jim to excuse himself and join him in bed, but it doesn’t happen. He scowls to himself, annoyed. Why was he up waiting for him? He’s tired, got a bunch of cleaning to do in the morning, and a shift in the afternoon. He can hear them still talking about God knows what. Of course Jim would stay up talking to the damn alien instead of climbing into bed with his best friend. If anything, having to share a queen with him would be even more incentive to spend as much time out there as possible. A mere human being can’t compete.

Leonard falls asleep feeling angry and a little sick of himself, his arms wrapped around the body pillow he absolutely does _not_ wish were the man he could faintly hear on the other side of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you're so gone for him, Len. get yourself together, for fuck's sake.


	4. Return of the Hat: The Hattening

The alarm is particularly evil this morning, and the sun is a demon formed in the sky by Lucifer himself.

Leonard makes no move to turn it off and groans lowly. He is on his back with an arm over his face- as if his unconscious body decided in his sleep to delay opening his eyes even longer. He is cursing colorfully in his head and debating just how clean the apartment needs to be for Jo, when he feels Jim lean over him to smack wildly at the snooze button. His body is pressed fully to Leonard’s side, and his arm doesn’t quite have enough coordination to keep from brushing across the other man’s chest.

He lifts the arm over his face and opens his eyes. Jim is too close, looking down at him even as his palm is on the alarm successfully vanquishing the shrieking hellspawn. His eyes are bright and alert in a way that’s just not fair.

Jim smirks. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

“Hey yourself.” Leonard rasps, his throat dry. He expects Jim to move now that the alarm is off, but all he does is let his arm fall on top of the chest in front of him. The tips of Jim’s fingers caress his side and he swallows, unsure about what all this _means_. Neither say anything for another moment.

“You know,” Jim starts conversationally, “I’ve never made breakfast for an alien before.”

Leonard snorts. “You’ve never made breakfast.”

“Hey! I made you pancakes on your last birthday!”

“I’m pretty sure breakfast is supposed to be _edible_ , Jim.”

“You’re a fucking asshole.” 

The other man finally makes a move to get up, and Leonard’s side feels bereft all of a sudden without his body heat. 

“I’m going to go whip something up for Spock. I’m thinking bacon and eggs. Everyone loves bacon and eggs.”

“Every human, maybe.” He says, feeling something ugly rear its head at the thought of Jim cooking for someone else. It’s irrational- Spock is a guest and if Jim didn’t cook, Leonard would. No guest in the McCoy household could ever go hungry, or his great aunt would come out of the grave and beat him with a wooden spoon.

“Alright. Well, I’m going to make eggs and bacon and he’s going to love it. He won’t know what it’s supposed to taste like anyway.” Jim rolls his eyes, then pulls on a random t-shirt from the floor. It’s definitely not what he wore last night. “You’ll see.” He walks out of the bedroom and closes the door behind him.

As he pulls on his ‘ _I’m a normal human dressed appropriately for the time of day_ ’ pants, he hears the muffled sounds of voices from the living room. They’re low and even, until he hears the distinct climb in pitch his best friend gets when he’s being particularly dramatic. 

He startles when Jim bangs the door open and stalks into the room.

“He’s a _vegetarian_!” His face scrunches up at the indignity of it all.

“So?” Leonard quirks an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“So, I can’t make him bacon and eggs!” He answers, as if it were obvious. “I don’t know how to make anything he’ll actually eat!” Jim gesticulates as he speaks and stalks around the room.

“Then I’ll go get groceries, and I will make him something. Stop being an infant.” Leonard sighs and makes a mental list of what he can make that’s vegetarian off the top of his head. 

Jim pouts. “But I want to make him something. I want to be the coolest human he ever met.”

“Tough shit.” He pulls on a jacket from his closet and grabs the keys from his bedside table. “Make sure Spock doesn’t get into any trouble, and don’t create more mess for me to clean.”

“Can’t we just, order out or something?”

Leonard levels him with a look. “And what exactly do you expect my daughter to eat when she’s here tomorrow morning? Which, by the way, you haven’t explained what you’re going to do about there being an alien in my apartment.”

“Spock can wear a hat.” Jim shrugs.

“... Are you fucking kidding me? Joey isn’t three anymore, and she’s not blind or stupid!”

“I think you’re overestimating how much kids pay attention or care about adults.”

“Oh, I see.” Leonard narrows his eyes. “Remind me how many children you have, again?”

“Oh fuck you. It’s common knowledge.”

The other man blinks, momentarily stunned, before recovering. “...Oh, so _that’s_ how you want to play this.” He steps forward into Jim’s space and pokes him in the chest.

“Instead of entertaining this monumentally fucking stupid idea, here is what is going to happen. I am going to go out and get veggies and come back and make some breakfast. YOU are going to come up either with a way to get Spock out of this apartment or a way to explain this to my seven year-old. If you can’t think of a way to do either, both of you can leave, because I have actual fucking parental responsibilities to take care of and I just don’t have the goddamned time for your childish _bullshit_!” Leonard steps back, his point made. “So help me God, Jim.”

“Wow, Bones. Tell me how you really feel.” Jim’s tone is dismissive, but his body language is rigid. He crosses his arms defensively before he thinks better of it. He moves to leave.

_No, McCoy, stop it. No guilt. He was out of line._ But the half of him that is stupidly in love with him wins out, and he softens.

“Hey.”

Jim stops.

“I’m sorry, Jim.” He says quietly.

“It’s nothing.” Jim says, without turning to face him, in a tone that suggests that it is most certainly not nothing. 

Leonard stares at the shut door before realizing what he was actually going to do and the little time he has to do it before he needs to leave for his shift.

He leaves the apartment with a quick “See y’all later.”

Spock gives him a gesture Leonard can’t place without moving from where he sits cross-legged on the floor, true yogi style. Apparently meditation is something aliens do too. He briefly wonders if the alien heard them arguing. Jim doesn’t respond at all.

Leonard figures Jim will forget all about it by the time he’s set food down in front of him, like he always does.

Nothing gets between them, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun _dunnn_
> 
> please tell me you guys notice my chapter titles i painstakingly choose them after a ton of very very serious deliberation

**Author's Note:**

> Come join me on my [tumblr](http://t-hy-lla.tumblr.com/) and chat! Concrit welcome, just note that I don't take myself very seriously.


End file.
